I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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