you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I was not drunk enough for that final.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
