chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
