the new term for farting is butt boxing.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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