TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
