Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She told me I should be a condom model.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
