He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize