i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
