sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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