So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
