Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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