Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
