All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I smell stomach acid.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
