where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
