If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
