good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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