FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
