Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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