Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
