he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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