I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
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drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
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He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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