this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
