Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
