The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't turn off my feet"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
