I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
