I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
