If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
