My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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