every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
