Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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