Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
