I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
