I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
