New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
