Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
