he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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