TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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