i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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