your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
