Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
