bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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