dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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