There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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