come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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