my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
