Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
