How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i barfeds in our rink
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
