pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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