It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
