thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
