3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
