meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
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I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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