Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
