Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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