my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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