she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My bed smells like the plague
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
