And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
that is very illegal...i love you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
