so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
