im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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