How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
