1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
