she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
