i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
