I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
