If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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