david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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