Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
