Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
