I hate your face
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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