First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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