I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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