wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Never joke about your clitoris.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
