okay pat passed out under dana's car
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.