Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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