just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you