3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
lets start a swedish sibling band together
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My dick has a subreddit
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
