he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
