Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
