i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
