i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
