No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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