someone owes me an orgasm
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
